woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
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