so explain again why im purple
no
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
