My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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