Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
