My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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