It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
