Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize