I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
