I look better un-naked...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
