a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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