i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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