Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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