is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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