Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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