Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
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I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice