I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
