I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
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Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy