So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
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Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I want is dick and wine.