How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
In America we eat man semen.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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