I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
