I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
