Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
