Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
