I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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