just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
