It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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