just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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