I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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