ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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