well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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