it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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