I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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