Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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