I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
