i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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