He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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