I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
