She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
a search helicopter?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
