watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
