WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
