did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
