I showed him my bush... on skype.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
