mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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