i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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