i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
