k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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