i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
