Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You've changed since you got that strap on
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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