what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
