Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
