I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
