I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
