Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
