I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
