We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
