drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
