C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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