So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
