I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
