We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
