Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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