Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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