i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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