One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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