So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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