Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Say something about gay babies.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
