She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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