I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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