I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
