"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
