All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
