i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
