Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
