I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
