so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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