There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
