I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
