Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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