Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
