You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
