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If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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