Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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