I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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