you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
