is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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