Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
my liver is dry heaving
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
