it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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