just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
