plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
